BBQ Fails

No, Memorial day isn’t just for BBQing but it is the number one activity we do to celebrate the holiday.  I wanted to share with you some pictures that show the fails (and some wins) of the BBQ world.  Enjoy.  Happy Memorial day to all, and remember we’re celebrating those who fought for our country to keep it free not national BBQ day!

 

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Can you imagine the smell this would create? 

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They’ll char you and your food… come out smelling like hickory smoke and your husband won’t be able to resist.

ImageI find this oddly creative. 

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Although I found the cart oddly creative- I don’t like the idea of my food being cooked on a painted surface with high flames.  Call me crazy, but I’d like to keep my paint chip consumption to a minimum. 

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If this is done with a new/clean rake I can see this being a great win at a bonfire!

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Redneck swimming pool/BBQ combo.  (it’s actually a water trough for farm animals- if you didn’t know.)  The food is hot, the water is cool, and the men don’t have any teeth. 

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A poolside BBQ gone horribly wrong. Unless they’re giving the grill a Viking style funeral….hmmm

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Why did the chicken cross the road?  To get some fucking help… he’s on fire!

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Phallic chicken… mmmm

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Don’t ask for extra sauce, Lord, please… you see where he keeps it don’t you?  Would you like your steak whipped or handcuffed?

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Maybe you CAN turn a HO into a housewife?  You can at least teach her how to make BBQ sauce. 

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Distasteful?  You bet!  Hilarious- OF COURSE!  This is one I’d call “WHOREABLE”.

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Happy Mother’s Day!

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My mom and my uncle.  Circa 1950’s. 

When you think of greatness, courage, and unshakeable morals you may think of someone big and powerful.  I think of a woman who stands about 5’2” that I like to call mom.

My mom is the definition of true strength exhibited with grace.  That’s not a combination that’s quick to come by. 

My mom knows what it’s like to be poor and literally have no food to eat, and though she overcame and knows what it’s like to have plenty- she never forgets where she came from.  Humility, yet another quality that my amazing mother exudes, that as you know, I may not always share her qualities (we all know how amazing I think I am… let me tell ya, I get it from her!)

As a child, she was there to chase away the monsters when I was scared and couldn’t sleep.  Even as an adult, I still go to my mom when something is overwhelming me.  I can’t imagine not feeling her love, because there is no stronger force known to me.  

Late in the year 2012, as many of you know, I lost the man who raised me, additionally, my mother lost her husband of 22 years as we lost the same man.  My mom has been married from the age of 18 and didn’t even know how to pay a bill, as she’s never had to.  She learned how and she does a great job of managing her life, now on an independent level that she had not been used to before.  Many times, our parents are the ones who feel immense pride for their children, but could be any more proud of their mom than I am of mine.  When you’re raised by a soldier, you don’t easily give up the fight.

Watching TV yesterday, I ended up tuned in on old Roseanne episodes.  A lot of you grew up in Leave it to Beaver households, I grew up in the “Conner” family.  We weren’t perfect, but we didn’t try to hide our imperfections from anyone, we lived them and we were them.  My pop used to say, “Perfectly imperfect.”  Far more articulate than “Dan Conner” but funnier and more handsome, for sure.  Despite all of the loud, somewhat redneckesque, and hilarious things that went on in the family depicted on TV’s Roseanne, at the end of the day- the parents always told their kids they loved them, they always kissed them goodnight, and they were happy.  So, while some of you had June and Ward, I was happy having Dan and Roseanne.  They made me who I am today. 

I salute my mom who has shown me what tactful grace with humor and strength, all the while loving everyone, and having dinner on the table at night was all about.  If you ever feel like you may be failing, just remember in the eyes of your child you may be a REAL super hero. 

Happy mother’s day, momma!  I love you! 

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My mom and me.  Circa 1980’s.

~JME~

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20 of the BEST Business Name Fails

Looking through the internet at funny photos, I tend to gather collections of things while I’m looking and stick them in a folder for a rainy day to post on my page later.  Well, as it turns out- most people don’t want to see 20 individual posts about how funny each business name is so I figured it would be a great subject for a blog.  It will annoy you less seeing all 20 at once instead of me filling your newsfeed with it… although I may do that in the future, so don’t say I never will because I might. 😉

Onto the funny…

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You’d better hope you are “gone” if you’re here.

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I don’t know if they cater to men who like asses or if that’s the barber’s name… fellas, it may be worth getting a cut here.

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Not a very well thought out name, unless you’re opening up a brothel. 

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If you’re not a fan of Bunghole Liquors, you can always be a “Dick Liquor” fan,

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A towing company from my hometown, St. Louis, MO.  Yes, they exist.  I get flyers from them on my windshield every time I go out drinking.  It’s like they WANT me to get in trouble.

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Hey baby, that’s a nice tool ya got there.

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Where your hair isn’t the only thing getting cut.

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My favorite beauty salon name!  Ooooh girl, where’d you get your hair did?

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Always tip well when you get Great Head!

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So we can both watch TV.

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No, you know what, Sushi… FUCK YOU!  You heard me, fuck you.  Don’t talk to me like that.

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Are your pipes clogged?  Call a greasy beaver- your pipes will be lubed up and flowing in no time.

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Where they promise to be “Up in your ears” not all over your face.

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These are typically in rural Missouri areas… look at those gas prices!  Holy crap, that was a long time ago!

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The only way I see this as a fail is due to false advertisement… I went here to get my smoke on- and they wanted me to do some stone work to my house… FAIL!

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I know a few friends that frequent this place…

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Where you’ll want to sit on everything in the store…

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Hmmm… well, please just keep that to yourself.

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It’s not cold enough unless your nips are cutting glass… call these guys, they’ll get you fixed up in no time.

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And finally… the fun bus. 

 

 

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15 Hilarious Signs!

onewayoranother

I’m gonna find ya, I’m gonna get ya, get ya, get ya, get ya…

nohooking

The video tape will be used for our profit, you filthy whores.

kitchendickwoodcock

LOL… I don’t even know how to caption this one…Although I’d like to find myself a good kitchen dick, I think mine is pretty worn.

kiekindekok

Gentlemen, might I suggest NOT going here?

inyobutte

What??? WHAT???

homeofgwbush

Sorry enough to send restitution checks of all affected Americans?

havetureway

Anyone else craving a Whopper??

elderlycemetery

This is really just wrong, but funny none the less.

dutchoven

I’ve accidentally went down that lane and the result was a stinky nightmare.

duckcrossing

That’s the biggest fucking duck I’ve ever seen!  Can you imagine what the clean up is like around area ponds??

cummingandseamen

LOL…

broomrape

Raping brooms, it’s a dead end street. (And a splintery one!)

bangerleever

Right here on the corner where you found her.

chikfuk

The street that leads to the intersection of Bangher and Leever.

118tenthsroad

What in the actual fuck?  How do you input this into a GPS?

 

 

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If you were a cookie, you’d be a Whore-O (pronounced whore-E-oh)

dontfeedwhores

Good taste and humor are a contradiction in terms, like a chaste whore. – by Muggeridge, Malcolm.

“Sex is one of the most interesting things we as humans have to play with, and we’ve reduced it to polyester underpants and implants. We are selling ourselves unbelievably short.”  – Ariel Levy

 

We make jokes a lot about whores and such.  We don’t consider a sexually liberated woman a whore.  There is a difference.  The sexually liberated woman is one who enjoys sex and knows exactly what she wants and likes in the bedroom and isn’t afraid to come out and say it, in the right setting with the right person.  A whore is one who will sleep with anyone because they are trying to fill a void in their lives by filling a hole in their bodies.

Back to the subject of sexual liberation in women.  Women aren’t as sexually liberated as I would like.  A lot of women still subscribe to the old school sexual rules of the man takes charge and we do what he wants when he wants it.  That, my friends, is a huge load of shit.  If you don’t take what you want, don’t expect anyone to hand it to you.

“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it’s pretty damn good!”  – Woody Allen.

Do you have to love them to have sex?  It helps, yes, and it definitely makes for a more comfortable and pleasurable experience for both.  But is it necessary?  No.

As women, not many discuss their sexuality with friends.  There is a fear we all have of being labeled, even if it’s silently, as a slut.  The fact remains, ladies, if more women were sexually liberated less relationships would have issues with cheating.  If you have a fantasy or something sexy you’d like to try, tell your man.  Or don’t tell him, just set it up and do it.  I promise you, if he wasn’t thinking about doing it before he will be into whatever you want as soon as you mention it.  Don’t be afraid to get what you want out of life- in and out of the bedroom.

Ladies, don’t be afraid to talk to your friends about sexual topics.  We need to quit making sex such a taboo topic and start realizing it’s something we all do.  If you need some advice, are having issues, or just want to figure out what you should do to perk things up between the sheets; your friends can be one of the best sources of information.

“I’ve tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic and the others give me a stiff neck or lockjaw.” — Tallulah Bankhead

Once we embrace the fact that humans are sexual beings, and as women we are the most sexual of the sexual beings we can rule the world.  One bedroom at a time.  Don’t be afraid to take what you want.  You’re not a whore, you’re a sexually liberated woman.

~JME~

 

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